Inner workings of an (in)sane mind

Google Image  Que Sera Sera is an Italian phrase meaning, "whatever will be, will be" and with a chance of sounding super cool, let me confess this has been my motto since childhood, even before I knew this phrase existed. I am sure people who know me well, will happily vouch for me.  From exams to college admissions to marriage and jobs even when it came to friendships, I went with my gut feeling.  Not that it always fared well for me, but somehow I had no regrets. I guess that's the beauty of never thinking too much about results because when you put too much thought into things, you tend to expect a certain result. When it never goes as per plan, disappointment follows. I have always gotten into things without expectations and never weighed the pros and cons. I guess that's my way of making my usually mundane life a tad bit exciting  In all honestly, you cannot mess with fate. So, all you can do is hope the universe and stars align to your advantage and everythin...

  Before you conclude that this blog is about self-pity or rant, it is not. This blog is dedicated to all proud second-fiddlers and letting the world know playing second fiddle is such a fun thing to do .     If you have watched college films, you would have noticed that there are main characters and then there are characters that play the best friend of the main characters. They are not as extraordinary or good-looking as the hero and the heroine , but they are better than the rest. You'll barely know their name or anything about their personal lives. They are always in the background, giving advice and cheering the main lead at every opportunity. Their role is the easiest; they just have to play the loyal friend, a great listener and a tag-along.   The second fiddle. I can get plenty of first violinists, but to find someone who can play second fiddle with enthusiasm - that's a problem . And if we have no second fiddle, we have no harmo...

  This is the first time I am participating in this Challenge, and I am feeling extremely positive about me finishing it. Why? There is a gut feeling that I will, and because I have nothing interesting to do, I have a fractured foot and am not allowed to move around. Well, resulting in no social life (not that I had any, but still). So let's reveal the theme… ***Drum Rolls*** Hello! My Forties!   Yes, that's my theme for the A-Z Blogging Challenge,2022 . I recently turned 40, successfully covering half of my ideal life span. To me, Forty is when you get your sh*t together, reclaim your lives, live it to the fullest, and not get bothered about "log kya kahenge." And you can fearlessly speak, dress, act the way you want and not care less. This series will deal with my journey into the forties with topics like… 1. Age doesn't matter unless you are bread! 2. Be your Happy Ending 3. Carpe Diem 4. Dance, Love and Laugh 5. Each woman has her fancy 6...

Picture courtesy : http://portlandmindful.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Bored-Woman.jpg Hey I am back.... You know lately I have been having this nagging fear... fear of being redundant. I see my son all grown up, doesn't need me as much as he used to. Friends play a more important role in his life. My husband too is busy with his work. The only person I used to have decent conversation was with my cook.  Lately, even she seems bored. The one person I pay to fake interest, too doesn't seem much interested.  I did discuss this fear with my husband and he was of the opinion that I should get involved with something outside the four walls of my house. He knows how much I detest socializing, mention of kitty parties is enough to flare my temper . So h e suggested I become a teacher, just the thought of 15-20 kids screaming , running around, pulling each other's hair etc was enough to scare me for life.  I lay awake all night just wondering what I ...

Google Images I am posting a blog after a very long time. Lot of things have happened in last couple of years. Most too bleak and sad to discuss and the rest not worth discussing. I have seen highest of highs and lowest of lows in last few years. The only way I sailed through it was because of people who were there for me, listening to my sob stories day-in and day-out. I just realized there would always be people standing by you suggesting you, what to do and what not to do... what to feel and what not to feel... what to say and what not to say. No matter how good they want things for you to be but the end result would always leave you feeling utterly horrible about yourself. You will land up questioning every action that you made, every word that you spoke... making you feel extremely incapable of handling things. As I say that, I am aware of the fact that all they wanted was good things for me and I am thankful for that. Do you know who makes you feel extremely comfortabl...

I am just trying hard to fit in... I am trying hard to fit in. Laughing and giggling; Like I am my own dumb twin. I see each day my brain crippling. Yet I go out there, Just trying hard to fit in. Every day I tell myself, “Darling, this is not your place You deserve to be by a bookshelf. People, is the last thing you should chase.” Yet I go out there, With an artificial smile on my face; Just trying hard to fit in. I miss the time when I used to be alone, Pen, paper and I, inseparable and strong. I was a loner, only if I had known; I should not have tried hard to get along. Yet I go out there, Feeling foolish and wrong, Because I am just trying hard to fit in. Maybe I should give up; Maybe I should let go, This mess I have to clean up, Because no more I can bow. I no more wish to go out there… Saneness came knocking, anyhow. Because I am done trying to fit in I was never meant to mingle; Laugh and make fun of...

Prologue Last year was a difficult year for me. My father-in-law had been in and out of the hospital or should I say ICU. The story that I am going to tell is about a woman who I met in the hospital waiting room. She had lost her husband a couple of years ago. She was there for her father, who had suffered a stroke. Blame it on my mentality or just blame it on the way I was shown the world- I thought may be her father was stressed looking at his widow daughter with two sons, trying to make the ends meet. That's what widows do, don't they? Trying to make the ends meet. Her life story was an eye- opener and I am still reeling under it. *** Story It was an unusually warm summer morning. Mr Bakshi, a Vice-president in a Multinational bank had gone for his usual run. He was an over-ambitious go-getter. He was the youngest vice-presidents in the company. He seemed always awake and always on the go. By the time he returned home, he was panting and swe...

Last few months had been a little difficult for me, both emotionally and physically. I pity my poor who husband had been at a receiving end...silently bearing my mood swings. But yesterday I met a woman a little older than me and she was quite an eye opener. *** Like always I reached hospital sharp 10 in the morning (my father-in-law had been in and out of ICU since last 5 months). I proceeded towards the waiting area and to my dismay there were no bunk bed/seat available. As I looked around, a lady- short and stout, dressed impeccably- signalled me to sit beside her. Gratefully, I went and sat and we started talking. One thing led to another; soon we reached the topic of marriage. Well it turned out that the lady was a divorcee. The couple were together for almost 4 years, separated for more than 14 years and last year they decided to file for a divorce. Not even once throughout our conversation did she criticise her husband, spoke ill about him or his family. We...

I recently read an article, which many of my blogger friends loved and shared it on Facebook. FYI the article was about how a woman went braless in London ... and according to her it was next to impossible to do that in India. Well my  dadisa(grandmother) never wore a Bra. :/ Hmmm... well.. I am a feminist by heart, mind and soul. I am proud of that. But in our quest to be a feminist we are pulling down our own country. Few months ago I was reading Mallika Sherawat's interview and she said pretty demeaning things about India. She even dared to call India "Regressive" and "Depressing" which I strongly object. I can easily post links of hundred such articles written by Indian on international forums degrading their own country. I agree India is not perfect. There are lot of things that needs to be corrected before I could say my country is perfect. But going braless is hardly an achievement I feel.... honestly I don't even feel it's proper. Call ...

As I sit beside the window Sipping away my coffee I see moon and stars gleaming As if smiling to me softly I look around and I see All windows shining bright It seem I am not the only one awake Or maybe everyone's up for a midnight bite Life sure is funny One moment you feel lonely But just look out of your window (life) You'll know you were never alone.

I sit in an isolated corner, hiding myself away; I have become such a loner, I am keeping my friends at bay. I am tired of acting, acting... as if I am okay; I want to scream and shout, or maybe even run away. I hate to get up from my bed, I feel sad, numb and down all day; I feel invisible most of the time, It's like I am slowly...fading away. At times I blame my life; At times I blame people around me But I know it is not be the reason Problem is deep within me I don't want to be like this, I need my old self back, Depression is sucking away all the fun; I need to get my life back on track.

There is something very indefinable about men. They are equally confusing as they blame us to be. I am a 34 year old woman. I have had a fair share of crushes, infatuations, affairs until I found that man who loved to get irritated and irritate both at the same time. So, I feel I am experienced enough to tell all the young, single-hoping-to-mingle ladies the kind of men they should immediately say good bye to. Hope you enjoy reading it... 1.   The Pontifical’s   - They have a pompous air of infallibility. They are insolent, opinionated and dictatorial. Try arguing with them. You will almost feel sorry for people who have to bear with these jokers day-in and day-out. Their full of vain, puffed-up, overblown speech about how good they are or how right they are, rest are all wrong- are good enough a sign to start running for your life. I know girls they sound like a Mills and Boon hero but to be honest no one can have a happily-ever-after with these kinds of men. ...

In last one year all I have done is receive, attend and see off guests.... one of the many duties of a house wife. I would be lying if I said i enjoyed every minute of it and it would be too wrong if I said I hated it. Some were good, some were funny, some were disagreeable and few were down right vicious. So ladies and gentleman today I come up with 10 types of guests I had the (dis)pleasure of knowing:- First,  Pompous A**es  : I feel as if they are so in love with their voices that they simply can't shut up. They keep on going about themselves. If they have nothing to boast about themselves, they'll talk about their husband... their kids. If they run out of that... their distant relatives (not the one from your side of the family) and their dogs get few words dedicated to them. *** Oh look at my dog/husband/child do that... aren't they adorable? *** Second,  Mr/Mrs BBC : I personally enjoy their company the most (okay I never said I did ...

"He's standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much he can take " Patient 1  When you see him lying on the bed, he looks amazingly fine... and very handsome. You will see him, noticing every move you make. Then he would raise his hand to acknowledge your presence. You can't help but wonder why is he here in ICU?  After a bit of snooping I came to know, he is a paralysed patient. The left side of his body was paralysed in April, 2001.   He was some ex hot shot working in a nationalised bank. The day he was announced as the ED of that bank, he suffered a paralytic attack.  He is back in the hospital because he again suffered a stroke but this time it was a brain stroke, which affected his throat. This meant he couldn't swallow or speak.  I tried to strike a casual conversation with his wife. It was then she told me that all his life he loved food...good food, and now he would never be able to taste anything. He would...

The best relationships--the ones that last-- are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. Not very long ago I had written about my friend who recently broke -up with her boy friend...   Realizing it's time to move on .  Just the other day, I was talking to her and as expected, she was feeling very down. It so happens that she was missing her college buddy. The story goes that they were together in college, totally inseparable. The guy finally proposed her during their farewell, which she refused. The reason she gave me was, he didn't fit the image of a boy friend.  The inquisitive me asked her, How exactly a boy friend should look like? She gave me a complete description of a mills and boon hero, Tall, fair and handsome. The guy was not very tall or fair and not very handsome either. Now she feels he would have made a more loyal boy friend than her ex.  Most of the times we are so busy running after our make believe superman that we often forget to...