Saturday, April 27, 2019


It has been more than a year, since I have written a thing on my blog. A blog that once upon a time I used to consider my hide-out, jahan mein cheekh bhi leti thi aur awaz bhi nahin hoti thi (Piyush Mishra's quote). But strangely, since I have stopped writing- with time there are too many pent-up things I have accumulated.

But today I am not in a mood to complain, I am just here to tell that what an absolutely amazing platform I had and how brutally I ignored it in these last few years. Blogosphere not only gave me some very good memories but most importantly a direction to my aimless life.

It all started with short stories, which led to few rhyming words and then I started writing down what I felt, it was more like talking to myself but in a way that makes it look less crazy. 

In the meantime some really great projects came my way. I became one of the few lucky ones to win the penguin short story contest following by four other nation-wide contests. My short stories were turning into films. Everything seemed to be like a fairy tale story. Things were just perfect. Please don't think I gloating, no I am not. I am just like one of those crazy fools who likes to believe what they write and not what they think.

But if you think closely, what good is a road without few speed breakers, eh?  Soon life took over cutting every thread of idealism and happily-ever-after with blunt reality. People came and people left, sometimes consciously, sometimes they just slowly and steadily drifted apart.

Was the change painful? Yes. Would I do things differently? No, Maybe.

I do know there are people who enjoy reading what I write and I am also well aware there are more than few who don't.  But one thing is for sure I hope to blog more often at least twice or thrice in a week, not for anybody, just for my sanity. Dear readers, I hope you enjoy this bumpy yet interesting ride.

Top post on IndiBlogger, the biggest community of Indian Bloggers

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

A Pub story

Pictture courtesy :

I sat inside a smoky pub, waiting for my friends to call it a day and leave. Somehow I never felt comfortable or at home in a pub.

Honestly, I never understood the concept of dancing in the dark, rubbing oneself on other sweaty, often foul smelling bodies. As I was busy contemplating I heard a loud crash and a woman screeching. It turns out it was two women screeching at each other having an argument over another man. Where have I got stuck, I miss my books and my bed. My weekend is royally wasted.

If I sat inside any longer, with my rotten luck along with headache I will land up with lung cancer too, with all the cigarette smoke that engulfed that god forsaken pub. I excused myself from the party (my friends and their boyfriends) and made myself comfortable on its staircase. As I sat, considering if I should go out to the cafe just adjacent to the pub as I was starving and all the smoke was making me feel nauseous, one of the screeching girl came out crying. There were loud sobbing noises, people standing there pretended as if they heard nothing. I too pretended to hear nothing, but then she almost tripped over me. Rotten luck at play, you see.

"Are you okay?" I asked out of sheer courtesy, ready to go back to my phone. But as my luck would have it, the girl decided to sit beside me and cry. Cry is an understatement she was howling. This time the idiots standing around me decided to look at me and her.

"Can I help you?" I asked gritting my teeth. The last thing I want is to mother a drunken woman.

"My boyfriend, that slimy bastard is cheating on me" she cried. I looked away, desperately trying to show my disinterest in her sob story. In the middle of her cries, she fainted. Yes, she fainted over my shoulders. Now was my turn to shriek. "Hello, are you okay?? Hey, get up. “I tried to shake her. I knew she was alive as she was breathing. "Please somebody get some water." I pleaded. A man rushed in, before he could come with the darn glass, her highness decides to come back to her senses.

"You gave me a fright." I told her wiping my sweat. "I am hungry and I am going to a nearby cafe. I think even you should eat and hydrate yourself." I muttered. If I didn't eat I might faint too.

She looked at me with teary eyes and said "Okay" feebly.

We both got up and started walking towards the cafe.  Bright side- at least I had company. I hate to eat alone in a restaurant. All I had to do was hear some sob stories and that's okay. Just hmms and ohs in the middle should do the trick and she'll think I am listening. Moreover, she is too drunk to notice I can very well smell the liquor.

We sat looking at each other and I was hoping against all hope that she doesn't start crying all over again. To my surprise, she said "Hi, this is Aashna." in an even tone and she smiled weakly.

"Good, you sound better already, promise of food has that kind of a magical effect on mind." I laughed and was sure she would crack up too. But she looked at me as if I was the dumbest person on the planet. It was better to shut up and wait for the waiter to get the damn menu card.

"That was a good one", she said slowly. Hearing her tone I had no wish to continue any conversation.
"I am sorry for being such a bore. But being dumped publicly does ruin your day." and this time she smiled. Though it was a sad but I smiled too "Yes, it does." I agreed.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened with you out there?" Part of me screamed that it was none of my business. Just have your food and leave. Bloody, it’s her monkey and her circus. But the writer in me wanted to hear the juicy details, hoping for more fodder for my story.

"My boyfriend dumped me... I think everyone now knows that." she looked down, so was hard to see her expression. "Where is the stupid waiter, I am starving."

“I also know that he cheated on you, so I guess I know more than most people out there.” I said, spotting the waiter and signaling him to get the menu card.

“It’s not the cheating that’s hurtful; it’s he being so cool about it. There was no repent or embarrassment. Imagine the girl he’s cheating on is a friend of mine. I was told that my bf was cheating, so I came here to check on him and here he is with that bitch.” She paused, tears welling in her eyes. She took a sip of water and continued “When did the world become this heartless? There is an etiquette, a certain set of rules that needs to be followed when u break up. I miss the old school romance, the real men.”

I couldn’t agree more, I too joined in her rants “Yeah, true there are no real men these days. Real men like Sunil Dutt, Dev Anand, Clarke Gable, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, the kind who wore trousers and shirts, with blazers…

“And hats” she added.

“Yeah, hats and the kind who would hold doors for women, who would carry handkerchiefs, to give to the lady if and when required. All that is left are these poor excuses for men who have the bodies of adults and the mentalities, as well as the social outlook of toddlers. Horny toddlers, but toddlers nonetheless. We can’t really blame them, look at their heroes, Salman Khan, Shah Rukh Khan, Sanjay Dutt, Hrithik Roshan all 40+ but they simply just refuse to grow up. They still act as Virgin, 20 something old silly boys. It’s not building character that’s important anymore, all they wish to grow is that silly stubble and build even sillier six pack abs.  What we really lack is a good role model” Frankly, I didn’t really expect to go on and on about this. But honestly, I was tad bit disappointed with our generation “Boys”. Sorry but I simply refuse to call them men, even if they are 30+.

Well, the girl sitting with me gaped. I know I went too far with my ranting. She must be thinking that I am some feminist who’s never been laid.  I composed myself and went back to looking at the menu card. I looked up and she was still looking at me. “What?” I asked.

“Nothing, just that did you too break up with someone? You sound bitter.” She asked looking frightened.

“No, I don’t even like boys.” She gaped again, if you think of it she’s kind of good at ‘gaping’. “ a non-lesbian way. Someday, I’ll find a man till then I am happy single.”

“So you’ve never been in a relationship?” Why is she asking me questions? I wasn’t the one screeching and fainting.

“Yes, I have been in a relationship but you know what, whenever I meet a man, they meet their future wife. No, it’s not me. I am usually the one right before the right one comes along. So like you I too get dumped.” I said, desperately trying to show that I was unaffected with the rejections and failed relationships. “Seriously, I no longer miss a male companion. I am happy with my work, I have a great gang of girls, who today are acting like love struck pups but usually they are pretty good and attentive to me.” I added.

“I feel I don’t even have friends anymore. There is nobody I could trust with my life. Who would have guessed my friend would do this to me.” She said. I pitied her. With us, my friends and I, there was always an unspoken rule, never eye your friends boyfriend. We all have religiously stuck to it.
“You know I have a talisman and I think you should follow it too…Have friends who have same taste in clothes and different taste in men. Trust me with that your life would sort.” I said pretending to be an ultimate love guru. But in all truth, I had negligible love life. I had fallen in love for the first time at the age of 13 with Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice) and then with Mr. Rhett Butler (Gone with the wind) followed by Howard Roarke (The fountainhead). By the time I was grown up to have a real bf, all boys failed when compared to the men I was in love with. I don’t blame them, they were all good but they somehow lacked the polish and finesse of real men.

The food was served and the way the girl pounced on food confirmed that she was pretty hungry. She chomped on Nachos as if she hasn’t had food in days. “You shouldn’t drink on empty stomach, you know.”

“I don’t drink.” Prompt came the reply.

“But you smell of liquor…” before I could complete the sentence she said “My boyfriend threw it on my face.”

“Oh okay, to think of it beer is good for skin and hair or so I have heard.” I knew it was not necessary but I needed to change the topic.

“Have you ever read Pride and Prejudice or Wuthering heights, that’s the kind of romance I want, warm, filled with longing and intimate” She looked al dewy eyed as she uttered those words.

“But to think of it, if pride and prejudice was written today, I doubt Elizabeth Bennet would have been the heroine. Kitty Bennet would have played the lead. She was everything, a man is attracted too. Silly, free spirited and promiscuous… she Is an ideal Karan Johar heroine.” I said, almost priding myself. Yeah go girl; you are on a roll today.

“Oh, wow. I never thought of that. Like when we were young our parents would give us lectures, recite stories as to how good girls like Cinderella, snow white landed up with prince charming. But in reality it’s the bad notorious girls who get everything while good girls die adjusting to whims and fancy of their partners. These bad girls are bad at everything from cooking to writing without making 100 grammatical errors. Yet, they’ll have met a man who would be happy eating off their hands like trained puppies.”

“Now, that was deep, Bravo”…and with that I clapped proudly.

My phone buzzed, my friends were finally tired and ready to head home. I checked my watch it was one in the morning. Time flew. “So, I have to go now. Do you want me to give you a lift?” I am usually not the concerned type but this girl was nice, at least well-read.

“No, I’ll go home. I am feeling much better thanks to you.”  She said. I covered the bill and was about to leave when a guy stopped us. “I have been listening to you since last one hour. You think it’s only you who face everything, while men just jump from one girl to another. Well, you are wrong.”
“Dear, it was private conversation, it’s wrong to snoop around and what we said…”before I could complete this man interrupted me. “I have been dumped by a girl because she thought I was a pansy and old school. You guys say want old school, but when faced you can’t handle it because it lacks edge of the seat thrill. You admonish us for we like bad girls, while you drool over bad boys. You mentioned Mr. Darcy, well he was once considered to be proud and obnoxious, Mr. Rhett Butler was a man with horrible reputation and Howard Roark rapes Dominique Francon…. Yet you idolize those characters and call us Boys. Think about it.”

“You are right and I am really sorry. I would have loved to extend this umm… conversation but I really have to go. Aashna are you coming?” I said as I looked at my phone. My friends were calling me incessantly.

“Nah you go let me speak to this gentleman.” Aashna looked interested in that boy-man.
As I sat in the car and I passed the cafĂ© I saw Aashna and that guy sitting together immersed in an animated conversation. I guess the guys and the girls are sailing in the same boat, facing the same issues. I can safely say that I blame the entire concept of “love” for the current state of affairs because as soon as you utter those three magical words you start walking the road of disillusionment, as reality of other person’s faults becomes more and more apparent with each passing day. We can choose to shut our eyes and continue or we could move on. Either of the ways we have to agree WE CAN’T LIVE WITH ‘EM; WE CANT’T LIVE WITHOUT ‘EM. I looked at the line again and then with a smile I clicked on publish.

*Now this is one of the few memoirs that made it to my blog.

Friday, November 24, 2017

What should I do?

Picture courtesy :

Hey I am back....

You know lately I have been having this nagging fear... fear of being redundant. I see my son all grown up, doesn't need me as much as he used to. Friends play a more important role in his life. My husband too is busy with his work. The only person I used to have decent conversation was with my cook.  Lately, even she seems bored. The one person I pay to fake interest, too doesn't seem much interested. 

I did discuss this fear with my husband and he was of the opinion that I should get involved with something outside the four walls of my house. He knows how much I detest socializing, mention of kitty parties is enough to flare my temper . So h
e suggested I become a teacher, just the thought of 15-20 kids screaming , running around, pulling each other's hair etc was enough to scare me for life. 

I lay awake all night just wondering what I could do, I have been complimented on being a good writer more than once. So I decided to look for a job of a writer. The jobs most searched were of #contentwriter and #copywriter... sounds simple, so I decided to be one.

I have been lucky so far of being invited for interviews for content and copywriter's posts. It didn't take much to realize that content writing, SEO wasn't my cup of tea. Reminder to myself and everyone with sleep issues : Next time you have difficulty in sleeping try to write something about finance or maybe something more technical... you will sleep like a baby, I guarantee. 

Copywriter looked and sounded more interesting... event, advertising yeh sab mere bai haath ka khel hai.. Imagine even that I successfully managed to screw up. I gave the HR a piece of my mind when they made me wait for 1 and a half hours because the director was busy in some meeting. But still that's no excuse, right? I - the queen of Andheri west-was waiting with her hair straightened and lipstick on (do you even realize how much hard work that is?

Moral of the story : I realized I am unemployable. Now I throw this question in the void... WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?

Top post on IndiBlogger, the biggest community of Indian Bloggers

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

Listen to me

Google Images

I am posting a blog after a very long time. Lot of things have happened in last couple of years. Most too bleak and sad to discuss and the rest not worth discussing. I have seen highest of highs and lowest of lows in last few years. The only way I sailed through it was because of people who were there for me, listening to my sob stories day-in and day-out.

I just realized there would always be people standing by you suggesting you, what to do and what not to do... what to feel and what not to feel... what to say and what not to say. No matter how good they want things for you to be but the end result would always leave you feeling utterly horrible about yourself. You will land up questioning every action that you made, every word that you spoke... making you feel extremely incapable of handling things. As I say that, I am aware of the fact that all they wanted was good things for me and I am thankful for that.

Do you know who makes you feel extremely comfortable in such situations? Well people who are good listeners. Yes, they won't bludgeon you with their advises, they won't point out where you went wrong, what you did wrong or what you said wrong. They would just listen, quietly and patiently to every word said. Their mere touch of a hand calms you down, showing you in no words that they share and feel your pain. You know that he or she will be there standing by you, without knowing, without judging or without coming up with cures, they would be standing with you facing the reality of your powerlessness. These are kind you want around you. They are your true friends.

Word of wisdom to the void(not sure if anybody would read it)... cherish them, they are the ones that makes life easier.

Monday, June 05, 2017

100 days of happiness challenge - Curse Lifted.

Day 1

Quote of the day:
“Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite:
"Fool!" said my muse to me, "look in thy heart, and write.”
― Philip Sidney, Astrophel and Stella

My last post was on 31/08/16, I have been on almost 10 months of self-imposed sabbatical. Did I miss blogging? Yes, I did. I can easily recall more than a dozen times sitting in front of my laptop determined to write a blog post but somehow couldn't. My friends opined that I am suffering from a 'writers block' but I feel I am/was too distracted. Because all of a sudden I developed this huge fascination for watching YouTube, reading Quora and Reddit.

It's a fascinating world, I must say… reading interesting stories, watching even more interesting stuffs. But I did realize I was leaving a hobby that I was most passionate about... way behind. My family mocked me by saying "Blogging is one of the many things you started and left mid-way." My inability to write and consistently switching tabs as if possessed and watching and reading random things for hours disturbed me... yes it did. But heart of heart I was enjoying every minute of it.

I still look at my 6 incomplete short stories with despair, having no clue what to write next. I have blamed the internet, disconnected my laptop from the available Wi-Fi, every time I did that, I fell asleep.

But today it's different, like always I was watching YouTube "abandoned castles in the world" though pretty interesting topic and it did held my attention for some time. But all of a sudden I had this major urge to write a blog. So here I am writing one.

I still have this strong urge to check on my Facebook, watch a video on YouTube, but I am determined to write a blog. I really hope I feel the same tomorrow too. Writing after such a long time... feels great; it feels as if some curse has been lifted, as if I could see a nice bright silver lining in a dark gloomy sky. I am already feeling lighter and happier.

So cheers my dear readers, I hope to complete my 100 days of happiness challenge and with that return back to writing. 

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

I am just trying hard to fit in.

I am just trying hard to fit in...

I am trying hard to fit in.
Laughing and giggling;
Like I am my own dumb twin.
I see each day my brain crippling.
Yet I go out there,

Just trying hard to fit in.

Every day I tell myself,
“Darling, this is not your place
You deserve to be by a bookshelf.
People, is the last thing you should chase.”
Yet I go out there,
With an artificial smile on my face;

Just trying hard to fit in.

I miss the time when I used to be alone,
Pen, paper and I, inseparable and strong.
I was a loner, only if I had known;
I should not have tried hard to get along.
Yet I go out there,
Feeling foolish and wrong,

Because I am just trying hard to fit in.

Maybe I should give up;
Maybe I should let go,
This mess I have to clean up,
Because no more I can bow.
I no more wish to go out there…
Saneness came knocking, anyhow.

Because I am done trying to fit in

I was never meant to mingle;
Laugh and make fun of people.
I was meant to sit and read,
Watch movies all day or sleep.
I no more wish to go out there,
Priorities I need to keep.

Because finally I got in where I fit in. :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

To call my own

They feel soft and lifeless,
Crispiness and the scent all gone.
You left at the time of crisis,
To fend for myself, alone.

These alphabets and meaningless terms,
Once promised of everlasting love;
Disgusts me and makes me squirm.
It is the thought of you that I am so sick of.

No matter how hard I try;
No matter how far I run,
I still haven’t got the heart;
To burn it even if it’s just forfun.

Why did you leave me?
Why did you have to go?
I wish you didn’t drink and drive,
Leaving just these letters to call my own.


It has been more than a year, since I have written a thing on my blog. A blog that once upon a time I used to consider my hide-out, jahan ...