Inner workings of an (in)sane mind

I am just trying hard to fit in... I am trying hard to fit in. Laughing and giggling; Like I am my own dumb twin. I see each day my brain crippling. Yet I go out there, Just trying hard to fit in. Every day I tell myself, “Darling, this is not your place You deserve to be by a bookshelf. People, is the last thing you should chase.” Yet I go out there, With an artificial smile on my face; Just trying hard to fit in. I miss the time when I used to be alone, Pen, paper and I, inseparable and strong. I was a loner, only if I had known; I should not have tried hard to get along. Yet I go out there, Feeling foolish and wrong, Because I am just trying hard to fit in. Maybe I should give up; Maybe I should let go, This mess I have to clean up, Because no more I can bow. I no more wish to go out there… Saneness came knocking, anyhow. Because I am done trying to fit in I was never meant to mingle; Laugh and make fun of...

They feel soft and lifeless, Crispiness and the scent all gone. You left at the time of crisis, To fend for myself, alone. These alphabets and meaningless terms, Once promised of everlasting love; Disgusts me and makes me squirm. It is the thought of you that I am so sick of. No matter how hard I try; No matter how far I run, I still haven’t got the heart; To burn it even if it’s just forfun. Why did you leave me? Why did you have to go? I wish you didn’t drink and drive, Leaving just these letters to call my own.

Let me run wild, Without any worries. Let me laugh loud, Without any sorries. Let me be filthily dressed, Without being judged. Let me be loved, The one strangers could hug. Let me speak my mind, Without being gagged. Let me stay out late, Without being nagged. Let me sleep under the sky, Watch the clouds float by. Let me live in peace, And let me fly. Most importantly, Let me be who I am Just let me be, is all I want…

All my life I searched for a happy ending; All my life I deluded myself into believing in it, In all situations; good or bad; All I was worried about being how it fared? As I grew old, old enough to understand; Where my life was headed and toward what I was blind. Golden moments passed me by; in spite of they being rare,  Obsessing over the ending and for the rest I didn't care. Now I wonder if I would ever get those moments again; Even if I promised to enjoy without worrying about the end, The true wisdom has finally dawned upon me; Sometimes it’s not about a happy ending, it's only about the story.

I walk aimlessly on a dark narrow road; With my feet stumbling and my eyes dripping away it's sorrow. People walked past me as my tears flowed; Hoping, somebody would notice, if not today, may be tomorrow. My soul is screaming aloud to be heard; Is it just me who's invisible or this is how it goes? Look at them go, keeping their soul unstirred; My invisibility and their indifference are my only woes. I passed by a door, closed and silent; The door was trying to burst open, As if the inaudible sobs were turning violent; I walked towards it with the feeling of a bad omen. As I reluctantly opened the door, Stood men and women, the wonderers; Their face blank like mine, walk aimless, They were the silent sufferers. I wonder why don't they yearn to reach out; Or do they enjoy being alone? Nobody cares   finally they shout, We all are on our own . The post is written for #1000speak 

You miss me,  That’s what you say; You miss me,  You cry every day. I am missable,  Just like old wine, I am better off, That's what everyone opine. If I was good, If I was so nice; Why did he leave? Why am I the one paying the price?

 Come with me... Come along my love Come hold my hand Let’s go somewhere Let’s seek a faraway land Let's sit by the sea Let’s walk on the waves Let’s kiss in the moon light Your touch is all I crave Let's never look at the watch Let’s have nowhere to run Let's have no appointments to keep Let’s sit holding hands and watch the rise and set of the sun.

As I sit beside the window Sipping away my coffee I see moon and stars gleaming As if smiling to me softly I look around and I see All windows shining bright It seem I am not the only one awake Or maybe everyone's up for a midnight bite Life sure is funny One moment you feel lonely But just look out of your window (life) You'll know you were never alone.

I sit in an isolated corner, hiding myself away; I have become such a loner, I am keeping my friends at bay. I am tired of acting, acting... as if I am okay; I want to scream and shout, or maybe even run away. I hate to get up from my bed, I feel sad, numb and down all day; I feel invisible most of the time, It's like I am slowly...fading away. At times I blame my life; At times I blame people around me But I know it is not be the reason Problem is deep within me I don't want to be like this, I need my old self back, Depression is sucking away all the fun; I need to get my life back on track.

Blood shot eyes; led by a fanatic chiefs, walking aimlessly, the misinformed and the misled. under the umbrella of strayed beliefs, here comes the crowd of the walking dead. These people have no heart to feel; these people have no soul to cry; their love for material land is their only deal, scornful words and their humor - wry. Here comes the rain from the bloodied sky, the rain is not water but innocent's blood. Can you hear and see our gods cry. This time their would be no Ark to save us from this flood.

I stand on the cross roads holding your hand Both of us clueless It's hard to understand As we pass this point it will be hard to go back what if I disappoint? what if there is something you lack?  It's a point of no return It's bidding farewell  to our carefree life and a places where we dwell. I am scared of losing you ruining what we shared may be I am just feeling blue may be I am not really scared....... - - - -      May be I am just confused ( something that I wrote just a week before my marriage....... sheer case of cold feet..lol)

I sit on the footpath I wonder what seem different As I watch others and do the math I see smiles that are still unspent Everybody seems in a perpetual hurry People running here and there All they do is whine and worry and call the god's gift (life) unfair If only they could understand Life is nothing but an adventure and nothing in it is pre-planned It's a risk of joint-venture So lets just free ourselves move forward with a special hand in our hand Jig-saw puzzle is all we need to solve   for all pieces to fall in place as planned.

 In d middle of the crowd, Still I feel alone No one near me I am my dark clone I was nice I was humble I would laugh even when I stumbled As I started to take  seriously my life I have shredded all the fun With a serious' knife I want my old self back again but I don't know how I don't want to run like animals Not ever ....not Now

Standing in the middle of the road Clueless and Confused In front of me I see a man, with a gentle smile When I look back, I see you. First love is so hard to forget First love is so intense, so hard and so deep Its without any pretense It's the best until its over, heartbreak hurts like hell Every time you look back  Your eyes will well You smile when you feel like crying You act like you're okay you're falling apart inside To get out of this, there's no way Finally you do find someone who loves you back But this time you love differently Now you love more carefully more cautiously 

Here I stand in front of the mirror In it I see my life go by I see myself when I was a baby Being alone would make me cry Now I am old With a child of my own The only thing I want  Is to be left alone No matter for how long No matter where The bosses and tantrums No more I can bear.

You open the door  And you wave me goodbye It seems as if someone's torn my heart And all I want to do...is cry I wish I could find one reason  To stop you from leaving me I wish, I so wish I could have you just for me All of a sudden  Shiver runs down my spine I fear losing you, forever Isn't this a true love's sign? I'll wait till this door opens again And I see your smiling face  You walking to me and holding me with that effortless grace.

I want someone to hold me when I am down I want someone to hug me When I frown I want someone to Kiss my fears away I want someone who promises to stay I want someone to treat me like an equal I want someone to let me be a little vocal I want someone who treats me nice I want someone who takes my advice I want someone who makes me feel beautiful I want someone with whom i feel blissful I know such friends exist I know they are there But why are they hiding in a mist  disappearing into thin air ?

People say Love is a matter of heart We all are aware of that People say always follow your heart but would that be smart? People say heart is most closer to god To that i always nod What People say. you can't question and I am keen to end this session Because what I see around me With it even you might agree There might not be a happy ending apparently because following heart doesn't come with a guarantee 

I write I read nails i bite stories i feed Nothing seem good nothing seems nice nothing can lift my mood nothing is as per my choice All of a sudden I am short of words Writing seems like a burden nothing seem to stir my chords What to do? Or what not to do? is all i wonder and it leaves me feeling like a FOOL.

Standing on the moonlit terrace I do wait to see you in that glow I want to melt in your embrace counting stars as the clouds flow if clouds are my friends tonight they'll help me when you come hide us in darkness as we unite and witness as we become one I'll wonder where you are now I'll think of who are you with as the fear of doubts come bare I'll wonder if love is but a myth till you come, I sit on the terrace with the moon smiling beside me till you, the love of my life, comes and I can no longer feel so lonely