In last one year all I have done is receive, attend and see off guests.... one of the many duties of a house wife. I would be lying if I said i enjoyed every minute of it and it would be too wrong if I said I hated it. Some were good, some were funny, some were disagreeable and few were down right vicious. So ladies and gentleman today I come up with 10 types of guests I had the (dis)pleasure of knowing:-
First, Pompous A**es : I feel as if they are so in love with their voices that they simply can't shut up. They keep on going about themselves. If they have nothing to boast about themselves, they'll talk about their husband... their kids. If they run out of that... their distant relatives (not the one from your side of the family) and their dogs get few words dedicated to them. *** Oh look at my dog/husband/child do that... aren't they adorable? ***
Second, Mr/Mrs BBC: I personally enjoy their company the most (okay I never said I did not enjoy good gossip so stop raising your eyebrows). They know about all hot gossips be it about family, nation or Bollywood. The way they present the news... no matter even if you have heard it....it still seems exclusive. These people have all my attention
Third, the Cry-babies: They look and feel miserable 24*7 and they are very capable of making you look and feel the same. They are so engulfed in self-pity and they feel that everyone is taking advantage of them... that u almost want UN intervention in their lives to save them and save you from the torture. They could cry about almost anything ranging from in-laws - kids - husbands - congress (What they have done to our country boo hoo hoo) - global warming. Gimme a BREAK.
Fourth, The Slimy Sloth: - Try living with a guest who has never heard about personal hygiene... flaunts when they fart and picks their nose and throw their pickings anywhere they want. After seeing such things you will be afraid, very afraid to go the toilet to see what awaits you there. Your white pillows would have oil stains on them. They would insist on wearing their shoes all around the house and your house looks like a big dustbin.
Fifth, The Bumptious: Look at them and you'll know - all their life they have been made to believe that they are the center of the universe.... the world revolves around them. If they visit you, they have done a huge favour. They'll choose the room they want to sleep in. The host/ hostess without second thought are shifted to the guest room. They want your pet to be tied up at all times. You are their tourist guide, baby sitter, cook, and helper and still they'll happily nag how bored they are.
Sixth, The Swollen heads: - It’s not that they are bad but they are obliged to pretend that they are good. These suffer from superiority complex which borders on being hurtful and even rude. They feel your house is not clean enough. You have the tiniest kitchen ....ill-mannered children. With them around u... u feels perennially poverty stricken. And start feeling downright loser. They have a moral duty to pass judgements and advice people where they are going wrong irrespective of the fact the receiver wants the advice or not.
Seventh, The Over-Helpers:- No matter how well intentioned - this can be a little annoying. They look guiltily at you if they see you in kitchen; they’ll make sure they hover around you all the time. If they find nothing to do they start cleaning utensils. In spite of reminding them thousand times that you have a maid and they should sit and relax. They are so guilt ridden that they would clean, cook and sometimes in wash.
Eighth, The Inquisitives: - I have a feeling if we could place them in RAW or even CBI they will be of immense help. They love questioning; they'll keep scooping about your life, life of your relatives and sometimes even neighbours. If you sit with them over a cup of tea... you'll get the feeling of being in a CBI cell and getting interrogated by the pros. In extreme cases they'll even open your wardrobe, your drawers, your freezer and start interrogating about the contents. ***Help me lord***
Ninth, The Kleptomaniacs :- As a host, I think my most important duty is to make sure that the guests do not leave behind things that are theirs and they do not take things that are mine. I know someone who has fascination for watches. Couple of times my watches mysteriously disappeared, her guilty looking husband would always find it.... sometimes lying around and sometimes under the bed (I can't even put my fing.s under the bed....a watch slipping in is very hard to believe).
Finally, The tenth The Indefectible guests: - The award for the best guests goes to people who bring gifts. Just joking*, I think anybody who's willing to help without suffocating the host. Who knows what to say and what not to and even realizes when to mind his/her own business. He/ she do not mind taking the pet for a stroll or taking care of the kid, because the host is busy in the kitchen. They are a perfect guest. I always make sure I invite them.
P.S. ****** I wasn't really joking about the gifts..... :D******