Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Kitty Party misfits



Kitty Party 

Sounds more like catty party to me. Women, who look so sweet and normal whenever u meet them be it inside the elevator or in the park...But in such parties they change... like werewolves change during full moon nights. They can be viciously bitchy and catty(Now that's a good combo ;) ) Here is the detailed account of my first and hopefully last Kitty Party.


Anuja (my best friend) - Renu you need to join this Kitty party

I -         Why should I? I am pretty happy the way I am right now.

Anuja - Yeah living like a bum. No housewife actually lives like the way you do, all the time in t-shirt and pyjamies. You need to meet some normal people.

I -       I object to that I am very much normal and my friends are very much normal, thank you. 

Anuja -  Yeah if normal actually means being friends with people most probably you'd never meet and liking statuses and writing rubbish, than yeah you are normal. I don't want to hear anything please .Be ready by noon sharp and dress up in salwar kameez or a pair of jeans with some fancy top. Please do put on some make-up and remember to comb your hair. 

I-          Yeah Yeah mommy. FYI I always comb my hair. My hair is unruly.

                                                                      ***** 

Around Noon I was ready and waiting for Anuja to come. She came all decked up like a doll. I looked very plain compared to her. She took out her lip gloss and foundation...and she started working on me and then she frowned looking at my jeans and a cotton top. 

Anuja - Cldn't you wear something good? Why do you have to make matters difficult.

I - I am wearing my brand new top. I got it from Provogue. Thankfully I don't look like a rainbow the way u do... all colours in one dress.

Anuja (rolling her eyes) - Never mind lets go. 
                                                                        *****

The Kitty Party was being held on the 5th floor @ Sharmaji's. I could smell Pau Bhajji (okay, kitty party is not really that bad...yay). The door was open and we went inside.I like a tag-along stood in the corner with a super fake smile on my face and Anuja like a perfect sociallite goes out air kissing all women present. We live in the same apartment building and I hardly know most of their names and there are few faces I didn't even know lived in our building (Shame on me) Anuja was right I should get out more often and try to know people around me.

Okay, there are 7 women let me see how many I know.

1.Yummy mummy (Shes very pretty ,hardly looks like mother of two) 

2.Mommy number 1 (She's like a know all and she's the only woman member of society's management committee.)

3.Hot headed mommy (I 've seen her thrashing her kid. She scares me too)

4. Bobby (I know her as my child and her children go in the same bus)

5. Aarti Sharma ( The lady who made Pau Bhajji)

6 and 7 I've never met.



Mommy No. 1 : You are Renu right... who lives on the 17th floor ?

I : Yeah, that's me. (I keep my fake smile intact)

Hot headed Mommy : I have seen you taking your walks in the eveining.

I : (I continue smiling)

Yummy mummy : You walk?? You seemed to have gained weight though.

I : (nod...she doesn't look that yummy anymore. I think I just saw wrinkles ..fangs and claws..;)

Anuja (my savior) : She writes and few of her works even got published.

Hot headed mommy : We have a celebrity amongst us ??

6 (the most sensible one) : Where exactly has it got published

I : Nothing really great it's just a short story in an anthology. (When would they serve pau bhajji . So that I could have it and leave)

Anuja (please stop talking) : Even in an E magazine.

Mummy no. 1 : Who reads E magazine??? Who has the time?

I : Yeah you are right, no one reads e magazine (Why bother explaining !)

                                                           *****


Yummy Mummy (flashing her very manicured and polished fingers) :How do u guys take out time for anything. It's been ages that I have been to the parlor.

Mother no. 1 : My mother in law is making my life terrible. She is such a pain

Lady no. 7 : Same here and my mom-in-law is more partial towards my sister-in-law. She keeps praising her at the same ime pulling me down.

Bobby : Relax sweetheart. Always remember she is a mother-in-law and not your mother.

Anuja : Aww  (She got up to hug her)

Mother no. 1 (turned towards me..why do i feel I am appearing for my Viva test) : Even you live in a joint family. How are your in-laws? 

I wonder what should I say. I look at that really sad Lady no. 7 , I couldn't possibly gloat how great my mother-in-law is. Nor can I pull the pull the poor lady down, she's been a very good friend. All eyes were on me.

I : We donot really interfere in each other's work. She has a life of her own and I have mine. 

Lady no. 6 :  Aarti , Anuja and Myself are lucky. No woman ; No cry.

That is cool. She knows about my favourite Band Boney M. I should try to be friends with her.

Aarti : My work never ends. I am tired now. I made spring rolls for you guys and Pau Bhajji. I hope you like it. 

Anuja : Oh you are such a good cook. We always look forward to your kitty.

Her cook brings in spring rolls. I take my roll. It does taste very well. God! this lady is truly talented. We like a hungry lot finish the rolls in second. After that the main course was served. Pau Bhajji. I loved it. It was amazing. I am a decent cook but can never cook anything with such perfection.

Yummy Mummy : I should not eat so much we are going out for a holiday. Just my hubby and me and she winked.

Hubby from her lips sounded more like hobby. I rather call husband than hubby. and that wink made me squirm?

Hot Headed Mommy : Oh you are going out on your second honeymoon.

Bobby : Renu, you could talk to her after she returns from her holiday maybe you too could write something like 50 shades of grey ....she too winks at me.

Aarti : I just tried flavored condoms. It's real fun. 

The sex related topic got maximum participation. It was nice that talking abt sex/ love making was no more a taboo. But I miss the days when they were a taboo.  frankly these talks did make me uncomfortable. 

I got up to throw my paper plate inside the kitchen. Aarti ran behind me. But I don't like to give my used to plates to anyone. So I went inside the kitchen and opened the dust-bin to throw paper-plate..and guess what it had empty boxes of a restaurant with bhajji still on them and ready to cook boxes of spring roll. Aarti looked at me and she looked guiltily at me.

I - Don't worry your secret is safe with me. 

Aarti - Thank you so much Renu 

                                                        ****

Hot headed mommy -  How come megha didn't turn up?

Mother no. 1 -  Must be doing her laundry. She always has so much of laundry to do. 

Yummy mummy - I can't wash clothes I am allergic to soap. 

Again she flashed her Red nails. Again went ignored. I really felt sorry for her.

Mother no. 1 - Did you know the Shagun bhansali's husband lost his job. I have evn head they are selling their house. So if you are interested you could call her up, just don't tell her I told you.

I knew people wld do anything to do be the last person talking. But walking over someone's sorrows is inhuman.

I ( Lost my cool) - How could you do that? You have that information because she trusted you. 

I looked at Anuja with disgust and got up to leave. 

Aarti - Renu please stay we'r about to play tambola.

I - I don't play money games you guys have fun. Thank you for the lovely party.

And I was about to leave when I heard... 

Hot headed mommy - I told you she was a snob.

Before I could reach the lift Anuja came out too. 

Anuja : We'll start our own Kitty Party.

I: But we won't name it Kitty Party

Anuja : We'll name it LMAO

I : LMAO ???

Anuja : Laughing My Ass Off

I: You should have seen your expressions. U still have that constipated look though. 

We finally left that horrible terrible party..... never to return back again.





















14 comments:

  1. I am sorry that you had to go through this but I cant help it but roll on the floor running :D :D :D :D :D :D

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  2. Dear Ms Sethi
    LMAO, literally.

    How could you ever aspire to stoop?

    You are a natural sore misfit. For you are way too smart, intelligent and CLASSY to ever be a party to the "kittys", the canine kind...

    Be yourself. Its better than the best.

    .....M, applauding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't wanted to... I was forced to :D

      Delete
  3. Lolz...It interestig and tickling, Renu!

    www.numerounity.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. Good post and good that you decided it was the last party to attend. It reminds me of a quote "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."
    Eleanor Roosevelt

    If people would discuss about ideas to make this world little more better, that would certainly be great.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hahaha Renu! Now waiting for your won kitty party details - whatever u call it :)

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  6. :) The typical scenes.
    I can imagine the uneasiness very well.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for posting.so nice and mind blowing post.
    Kitty Parties for Women

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  9. You write so well.Your narration is absolutely natural and obvious; I can't resist from reading at least a couple of your posts at a time. I have started following you after reading your story in "25 Love Stories That Touched My Heart"!

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    ReplyDelete
  10. hi i am gaurav i am interested i am join the kitty party please tell me

    ReplyDelete