I m having a hard time understanding the concept of "moving on in life". U actually don't really move on. You just condition your brain..to keep that thing or the person in the darkest side of ur conscious level..till it becomes a habit. But what happens when u see that person or the thing again???? Its then you realize u never really moved on.....u are right there...feeling the same thing..:(
Last evening, I met my ex-boyfriend. He was shopping with his Girlfriend. I was running after my daughter Kavya when i bumped into him. We both recognized the moment we saw each other. There was a wide-eyed amazement in both our eyes.He introduced me to his girlfriend.She was frail looking, impeccably dressed and hand feet manicured /pediured ...whtever it is...make-up tastefully done. She too was a Banker."Exactly the kind he liked" I thought ruefully.
I knew i looked shabby..with hair standing in all direction. Wearing my 12 yr old most comfortable pair of jeans and a round neck t-shirt....sans make up...unluckily that very moment i realized i haven't had my eyebrows plucked since last couple of months (wow there goes my confidence)..forget the pedicures and manicures..that would be luxury.
I noticed they both looked amazing together. The kind you see on page 3. I was a wee-bit jealous....okk let me correct.....i was extra ordinarily jealous. I should have been holding that remarkable ....greek god looking man's hand.
My husband came calling me..I introduced him to my husband and we exchanged numbers and then they left.
He's been on my mind since then.The old memories came rushing to me.No matter how much i fought it...everything in minutest detail i remembered (and i thought i had moved on...what a pity). The time he proposed.... Our evenings in hobby center and how he hated lemon soda with salt..everything and the reason why we really broke-off. We fought over a guy, who used to work with me, then we chose to never see each other again. After few months, he called up to say that he was moving to Boston but i ignored his call.... then he SMSed me and told me about his plan. I chose not to return back the call(okk i agree i am an idiot). We never spoke after that.
Even after 9 yrs ..... he still loooks amazing. He hasn't aged a bit. As I was thinking about him, I get a call and I see its his ( my exbfs) number. I take his call. Well it seems he too was thinking about me. He told me the exact same things that i thought about him...that I haven't changed a bit, haven't aged a bit, looked very pretty( well i m not sure...if he was telling the truth). He asked me..if I could meet him all alone someday and catch up on old times.
I really used to think we both had "moved on in life". But in reality we didn't. We were still on that old block and feeling the same thing.
I thought for a bit...I looked at my husband...who was happily watching TV. I realized i am still attracted to my exboyfriend and I guess the feeling is the same as it was 9 years back. But my status wasn't same anymore..i was married to a man....who was remarkable in his own cute,adorable way. So I politely declined the offer and went to my husband...and slept hugging him. I know that my ex boy frnd was still there in some corner of my brain... will continue to be there for the rest of my life.... there is def.ly "no moving on" happening as far as i can see. :(