learn to let go

love on the brink of breaking -up is like a dance where one person is trying to hold and pull the other close while other is busy dreaming about a third person . I so wish heart came with a switch board. You turn off the 
feeling you hold for a person and turn on the affection toward a more 
deserving candidate, who you know would love you back. I just wish it was 
this easy to LET GO

"How long have you been going around with Ayesha?" I tried to sound impassive and unaffected as much as I could muster. I knew I was screaming inside, howling. Felt like throwing things.

Ayesha was a woman who too worked with my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. I knew they were good friends. I have seen Sims’s coming in weird time of the night. I knew the trouble was staring me in my face but I chose to turn a blind eye. Someone too confident and too stupid, once said let your love fly...let it touch the sky...if it comes back to you it’s yours...if it doesn't it was never meant to be yours. Well for his/her kind information my love isn’t coming.

"Are you all right?" my boyfriend interrupted.

Yeah right even if I was the saddest person on this planet, he would be the last person I am going to discuss it with. But I am okay. I might howl tonight...maybe even tomorrow...maybe for a week or month....but I know I am going to be out of this very soon. Moreover my friends always said I deserved better.

"Yeah I am fine" I try to smile “You did not answer my question."

"It’s been a couple of months; remember when I had gone to Thailand for that training?" He paused...and he looked at me. I tried to maintain that same expression. He then continued "I came to know her very well and we realized we were attracted to each other"

What is it with these people. I really didn't ask him to talk about every minute detail of his cheating expedition.So I cut him short and just muttered "hmm"

"Please don't take it personally. It’s not you. You are a great girl with an amazing sense of humor. But I love her and it wouldn't be fair to you, if I just continued like this" he said...

What a pathetic way of consoling. I decided to break my silence "What do you mean by not personal, it was personal. It may not be personal to you, it was personal to me. Stop acting like Mahatma Gandhi...that whatever you did was for the good of mankind. Whatever you did was for your own good.You did not think about me, even for a second."

Oh no, I just proved I was feeling emotionally 'vulnerable'. I desperately tried to save the situation by saying “Anyways relax dude, had you not broken-up with me, I would have. Cause this entire thing wasn't working for me either. I want my single status back. I wish to be single-ready-to-mingle again."

He smiled 'We'll continue to be friends, hopefully?"

Yeah in your dream buster I thought to myself but I just chose to smile. "You guys do make a perfect couple, enjoy" I did try to be my sarcastic best...but it didn't come out that nicely. I stood up and left the coffee shop.

I so wanted to cry. I wanted to run to my place and go to my room and cry my heart out. But I couldn't I still had to go to my office. I had a client meeting. I realized it's really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go-but it’s even more painful to ask someone to stay if they don't want to stay.

The most difficult part after breaking up is going to your workplace and carrying that curve line on your face and pretending everything is fine.

Soon after the work was over, I just rushed home and cried and cried for one whole week. I stayed at home. Met nobody...did not take any calls .After 7 days, 8 chocolate bars, 2.5 liters of Coke and Pizzas day in and day out. I started introspecting.

I realized everybody starts introspecting what might have gone wrong after a broken relationship, at one point, you even blame yourself..you think whatever happened was because of you. But then realization starts dawning that it was not your fault, it was nobody's fault- actually, and sometimes feelings are gone. Its then you finally are able to put the past behind you and forget (o.k. I am not really optimistic about forgetting it that soon. But yes, the past is behind me).

I am enjoying mingling with guys in my workplace and even in my gym. All of sudden I feel free and brand new. The relationship was such a burden. My girlfriends are happy to have me back in the group so is my family.

After this I don't think I am stepping into a relationship very soon. I think being single is the way to be. Trust me when I say “Sex and the City" is way more fun than "Desperate housewives" in my case "Desperate Girlfriends".