Existential Crisis is Real

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Who am I, and what am I doing in this world? These questions keep haunting me, and I have no answer to them. It seems that I suffer from a perpetual existential crisis, covering most part of my adult life. This keeps me in a constant condition of boredom and inadequacy. No matter how big the event is or how great the happiness is, there is always something lacking. It gets even more difficult if you are surrounded by highly happy-go-lucky people. For them, a piece of small good news seems enough to keep them happy for a whole week or even a month. In all honesty, I was/am jealous of them.

I am forty and yet do not know what I really want in my life. Maybe that's why I keep reinventing myself from a housewife to a blogger to an author to a scriptwriter and now a full-time corporate employee (and I was doing pretty well). Yet the happiness that I seek eludes me. Despite seeing my name in print or Cannes film festival or even getting a job, I still can't seem to feel contended. 

I wish I could blame the people around me, but (un)fortunately, I am surrounded by really positive people, be it my parents (both set), sisters, or my husband. I have even contemplated doing something different. Maybe I am in the wrong occupation? But then I think even that wouldn't help. I must make peace with my endless boredom. Yes, nothing would seem enough; instead of sparks, I would want Fireworks. Instead of mere happiness, maybe I would like to feel Euphoria. But, it's time to chuck the negative connotation and see the brighter side; perhaps this is how it should be, or my lazy ass wouldn't do anything. I guess the struggle to find meaning in my existence is the sole reason why I am active and alive. 

I am participating in Blogging from A-Z challenge 2022, and this is my post for E - Existential Crisis Is Real.





Comments

  1. Afshan Shaik6 April 2022 at 10:38

    Like Farhan akhtar says dilon me betabiyaan leke jeerahe ho to zinda ho tum :)
    May be unsettling is a way to settle for best
    Short yet thoughtful post straight from heart
    I like how u use two colors!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (in)sane mind6 April 2022 at 10:53

      Zinda hoon mein. Thanks a lot, sweetheart.

      Delete
    2. Deepa from FictionPies6 April 2022 at 10:53

      Oh I was going to quote the exact same thing. I think it's okay to continue to seek. No one said we need to have all the answers figured out. There's no decoding that needs to be completed. You just stop and keep smelling the roses.

      Also, considering all you needed was fame and money, keep the fame, give me the money and keep your seeking journey on. I support you. 😜😜😜

      Delete
  2. Ranjana6 April 2022 at 11:14

    It's absolutely normal to overthink at times. Identity crisis or mid life crisis are not just terms, that are faced by we humans. The only way out is..(as in Finding Nemo), Just keep Swimming, just keep swimming .

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mom and Ideas6 April 2022 at 13:40

    I guess that's what keeps us growing and improving... It's nice to want more, to dream, to not always settle.
    See you around the A-Z challenge!
    Hope you stop by my blog https://momandideas.com/

    ReplyDelete
  4. moondustwriter6 April 2022 at 13:51

    I like " just keep swimming" - life is the journey not the destination.

    Eavesdropping

    ReplyDelete
  5. Deborah Weber6 April 2022 at 15:06

    While I suspect we all have times of existential crisis and questioning the meaning of our lives, I'm sorry you're challenged with feeling bored and unhappy. It's my sincere wish for you that you find what fans the flames of your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Pixie6 April 2022 at 16:25

    I was about to quote what Afshan said too! It's normal to seek, to learn and to grow beyond the structures of what identity we were given.. it's normal to question them because that's how we change, mold ourselves into the person we continue to love and nurture.
    Beautiful post

    ReplyDelete
  7. Outside Perception6 April 2022 at 19:05

    i think we all continually re-invent ourselves. you are not alone in this :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Tomichan Matheikal7 April 2022 at 08:50

    We are constantly inventing ourselves. I had no idea throughout my life what I was or was meant to be. And now I'm retired 😊

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (in)sane mind9 April 2022 at 00:46

      I am walking on your footsteps.. Thanks a lot

      Delete
  9. Jayashree Srivatsan12 April 2022 at 23:11

    Try volunteering may be ? Honestly happiness in giving and sharing tops the list. I think we tend to overthink at times ( i am often on the same boat and same age as you )

    ReplyDelete

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